#7

Looking back at my first blog, I really thought this class would be somewhat different. Only because of creating blogs. When you first was discussing the blogs, I thought that we would be able to write about anything. Creating a blog was interesting because in a way we did write how we felt about ideas or concepts learned in class. When we recieved our first essay, I thought that I didn't do bad. But getting my paper back and seeing my grade, I was in shock. I did learn alot in this class. What has been helpful in this class, is the examples and concepts that are being projected. Usually when I write I like to just free write get my thoughts out on paper and that's it. But in Ms. Spencer class I was able to either add more descriptive details, coma splices, etc. or just fix my errors on my paper . There isn't much to change about this class. It's a writing class, we learned concepts, write essays, and read. I liked that after a essay, we would go into peer review with our classmates. It was a good thing too because I was able to get feedback back about my paper. It helped out a lot. Since the semester started, I believe that my writing is still the same. But as the essays continue to be assigned I know my writing skills will grow and improve. I can say that I looked at writing a very easy thing to do, but now I find it challenging and being able to force myself to think outside the box. I think that's a good thing. Hopefully my writing skills improve and I become a better writer.

Advertisement

Purpose: By using a weapon, holding an expensie shoe (Jordan), and having a person at gun-point, this ad is making sure people in this world know that you can be killed or robbed just for wearing a shoe brand, such as Jordans, that someone else might want. And you can either fight for your shoes or your life, but it's a dangerous world out there so be careful. 

Audience: This can be appealing to wide variety of audiences. For instance, to the audience who wears these kind of shoes, such as myself. Not only teenagers where syling shoes like this one. There are adults, young adults, teenagers, and babies who wear shoes such as the one in the ad. I don't think it matters on the ethnicity because many ethnicites wear styling shoes like this one. 

Genre: You don't see many ads like this, but I can see why they would have an ad like this up. Couple months ago, a boy was shot buying Concords (Jordan Shoes), the day they came out. This ad helps everyone or anyone who wears stylish shoes to be careful because its dangerous. And you wouldn't want to be killed or robbed for a pair of shoes. That would be a bad choice to fight over a pair of shoes when a gun is pointed at you. ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS!

Tone: The darkness of red and black background, the big bolded white phrase that makes sure you see what the main idea is, and a unidentified person holding up a Jordan shoe and a gun showing negativity and to be on the look out when you wear expensive styling shoes.  

revision paper!

Revision........

My first draft and final draft really didnt have any major differences. When I started writing my paper, I jotted down all my ideas and added a bit of descriptions. Usually when I write papers I tend to struggle with how to introduce the topic. Normally, I like to start off either with a question or jumping right into a conversation about my topic.  So in order for me to revise my paper, I had a classmate look over it and give me feedback on how to improve my paper. I find it much better when there is peer review assigned because you have others looking over your work and maybe try to improve it. I did have a few comma splices, run-ons, and fragments. There was not much of deleting sentences, just reorganizing my body paragraphs and adding much more description in order for the reader to visualize whats goin on in the paper. In my revision, I fixed my conclusion. I realized that a conclusion should not start off as "What I'm trying to say", so I summarized my paper and restated my thesis. After writing my revised paper, I did notice the pattern that I usually do use. I think from now on I should reread sentences so that there isn't much fragments and adding comma splices. I think my strongest aspect would be my introduction in this paper. I really worked on how to make it strong and did a bit of reorganizing paragraphs to see if it makes sense and also have my beginning of the paper strong. The weakest would be my conclusion in this paper. Towards the end I lost focused and words of how to end it, so I had ended it with "What I'm trying to say". But now that I edited, I think my conclusion sounds much better. The peer review helped a lot and brought more out of my paper and showed where my errors where.