revision paper!

Revision........

My first draft and final draft really didnt have any major differences. When I started writing my paper, I jotted down all my ideas and added a bit of descriptions. Usually when I write papers I tend to struggle with how to introduce the topic. Normally, I like to start off either with a question or jumping right into a conversation about my topic.  So in order for me to revise my paper, I had a classmate look over it and give me feedback on how to improve my paper. I find it much better when there is peer review assigned because you have others looking over your work and maybe try to improve it. I did have a few comma splices, run-ons, and fragments. There was not much of deleting sentences, just reorganizing my body paragraphs and adding much more description in order for the reader to visualize whats goin on in the paper. In my revision, I fixed my conclusion. I realized that a conclusion should not start off as "What I'm trying to say", so I summarized my paper and restated my thesis. After writing my revised paper, I did notice the pattern that I usually do use. I think from now on I should reread sentences so that there isn't much fragments and adding comma splices. I think my strongest aspect would be my introduction in this paper. I really worked on how to make it strong and did a bit of reorganizing paragraphs to see if it makes sense and also have my beginning of the paper strong. The weakest would be my conclusion in this paper. Towards the end I lost focused and words of how to end it, so I had ended it with "What I'm trying to say". But now that I edited, I think my conclusion sounds much better. The peer review helped a lot and brought more out of my paper and showed where my errors where.